One night I was looking for something to watch and I landed on this, a 2022 Doctor Who-related documentary film, primarily about writer Matthew Jacobs and his experience connecting with the American side of Doctor Who fandom.

Jacobs is the scriptwriter for the 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie, which introduced us to Paul McGann as the Eighth Doctor. He was apparently convinced to start attending US conventions for the show by his filmmaker friend (Vanessa Yuille), and then the two of them turned his trip (or trips, I’m not sure) into this film. We watch Jacobs enter into this world with a fair amount of trepidation–he seems worried about cult-like assets of the fandom, and doesn’t expect to be embraced because of some of the more controversial aspects of his contribution.

I watched that contribution in 1996 not long after it aired (I was out of reach on the day it actually broadcast, but my friend taped it for me and we watched it together later)–like many, I was excited that the show was back after years, and there was a lot about the movie that enjoyed, but there were also choices that were confusing.

The documentary brings up two popular contentions in particular: making the Doctor half-human, and having him romantically kiss his co-star. Nowadays these are kind of nothing–the Doctor has kissed many co-stars and though he isn’t half human, the show has done far more outrageous things with the character that this twist is kind of mild. But at the time, for many fans, these were big deals.

We see Jacobs encountering fans who are quite passionate about these things. Indeed, a lot of the movie is Jacobs adjusting himself to the far more exuberant sort of fandom in the US than he is used to in the UK–people for whom the show really does seem to provide a sense of purpose and meaningful community. He goes through a lot of personal questions in the process, eventually warming up to the whole thing.

Along the way there are interviews with other people involved in the TV movie, including actors Paul McGann, Daphne Ashbrook, and Eric Roberts, and producer Philip Segal, where they reminiscent a bit about their experiences, both with the movie and with attending conventions.

Perhaps the strongest material, though, is Jacobs talking about his own family. His father is Anthony Jacobs, an actor who played Doc Holliday in the First Doctor serial, The Gunfighters. There was a particular day when young Matthew was brought by his dad to watch an episode of the show being taped. All of this gives him a particular perspective on an aspect of the show which is quite unique. Hearing bout this, particular in the context of his family dynamics and some personal tragedies that he went through, was the film’s most compelling element.

On the whole, though, I didn’t find Doctor Who Am I to be a particularly memorable watch, and Jacobs’ personal journey did resonate strongly with me. Maybe it’s to do with not living in America for so long and having only dipped my toes pretty lightly into the corporate “fan” scene (although I did hit a few conventions back in my teens and twenties), I didn’t find the exploration of the fan culture all that revealing, and I feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea of taking your love for the show (or any piece of media) too seriously. It’s certainly something I try to keep in balance, in spite of the fact that I write about it at such length here. It’s a sweet film, and there is some interesting introspection on display about it all, but overall the project doesn’t really gel with me.